Hurt So Good
This is a songfic by Rainy. Part of the Kiss collection.The OA is Carly Rae Jepsen. Special thanks to Misty for Beechwhisker's name. When you smile like a tease, Baby you don't even know, you don't even know Overhead, the full moon shines brightly down on the Gathering Field. The cats of different Clans are breaking up, getting ready to leave. It was nice seeing the other Clans, or as nice as it could be, considering Foxstar accused our Clan of being prey-stealers, but I love, and always will love, RainClan the best. One cat in particular. Beechwhisker is talking to her friend, Deersoul. She doesn't even seem to notice me at first, but then her head tilts slightly, and her wide blue eyes meet mine. A smile lights up her face, and I have to fight back a dizzying wave of delight and awe at her beauty. Does she even know what her smile does to me? And my heart skips a beat, Darling, every time you go, every time you go "Hi Firestrike," she says, dipping her head at me. I try to return the greeting, but my mouth has gone dry, so all I can do is nod feebly. She gives me a bemused look, probably thinking I'm an idiot, but I can't help it. Deersoul giggles and gets up. "Excuse me," she says. "I have to talk to Robinstar." Just as I'm considering the elating possiblity that Beechwhisker and I could have a moment alone under the moonlit sky, she gets up. "I'll come with you," she offers, and gets up. My heart thumps painfully in my chest as I watch her get up and pad towards the leader with her friend. I fall to the back of the group, feeling miserable. When you walk into the room I can't speak, and I can't move A few minutes later, I smell a sweet, flowery scent. It's her. I look up haltingly, and become paralyzed in her moon-shaped eyes. I can't say anything, or even move, not a twitch of the tail. "Deersoul insisted she could handle it," she says. "Oh well. Some cats." She laughs, like a melody pouring out of her mouth. All I can do is stare. You don't see me, but you should Oh, Why you gotta make it hurt so good? "How do you think the Gathering went?" she asks me. I bite my lip, hard, forcing myself to concentrate. But it's so difficult. How can she talk about things like Gatherings when I'm over here, struggling to control my emotions? I have to remind myself that she doesn't know how I feel for her, and probably never will, much less return those feelings. And that fact hurts. But just the fact that I know her, know her enough to love her, is great. I don't ever want to let you go We could take it fast or make it slow "It was pretty cool," I respond as casually as possible. Beechwhisker nods in agreement for a second, but then her pretty brow crinkles into a frown. "I can't believe that Foxstar accused us of prey-stealing!" she exclaims, lashing her tail. "RainClan would never stoop to that." I say, "I know! She has absolutely no proof." In reality, I'm just trying to get her to stay with me longer, to talk with me longer. I don't ever want this moment to end; it's so precious and wonderful. Unlike most toms, who have never known a she-cat as amazing, I'm willing not to push it. Just being around her is enough for now. Whenever she's ready. If that day never comes, well, I'll always love her. That's one thing that I just can't change. I'm afraid that you misunderstood Every day is just a "wish I could" Oh, Why you gotta make it hurt so good? Oh, Why you gotta make it hurt so good? Beechwhisker twitches her dainty pink nose thoughtfully. "What makes cats like that? Do you think Foxstar was like that when she was an apprentice too?" I blink at her in surprise. Some cats would think it weird that she would even care to ask that about a cat from another Clan, but to me it just shows how much there is to her besides what others see on the outside. "I- I'm not sure. I suppose... I don't think she was born like this. I think leadership forms you into that." "Robinstar isn't like that," Beechwhisker comments softly. "But then again, she's only been leader for a few moons, and it's leaf-fall. Nothing too bad to handle. Still, I don't think I could ever be leader. I wouldn't be able to cope with the really hard decisions; I'm too soft for that." I chuckle. "I don't think that's true. I think you're stronger than any other cat I've ever met. You can do anything." Her eyes find mine in a way that makes my heartbeat stop, then race forward into a wild rhythm. The night breeze blows through her creamy fur, making it have the appearance of an ever-changing desert of sand; her eyes are like two oasis framed by it. For a moment, it feels like we're the only two cats in the world, as if the night has wrapped us in velvet and shielded us with a place we can call us own. She breaks the spell, taking a step back and staring at her paws. "I- Thank you, Firestrike, but you don't have to flatter me." I stare at her. Flattery? ''I wasn't trying to butter her up or anything; those words had come as natural as breathing. But I suppose a gorgeous she-cat like her was used to toms' constant flirting. Perhaps she thought I was merely the same, if she ever thought of me at all. "I didn't mean it like that-" She raises her head, but not before I glimpse a flash of regret in her eyes. "I hear Deersoul calling. See you around!" I watch her gallop off, a sleek shape in the darkness. Around me, my Clanmates pad onwards, unaware of my tumultous emotions. ''All the toms on the block They come knocking on your door Knocking on your door We're in RainClan territory now; it won't be long before we get back to camp. I long for the soft bedding of my nest, and for the comforting waters of sleep to wash away all my troubles and take me out to sea. But for now, my thoughts are like dark thunderclouds over my head, refusing to disappear. Sighing, my gaze lands on Beechwhisker again, as if drawn to her by an invisible force. She's talking to the Clan deputy, Iceflame. The handsome tom is laughing and joking with her, his handsome face full of confidence. I try to keep my pelt lying flat, but it's really hard, especially since I know how much more charismatic he is then me. Surely there's no way she would pick me over him. Like she would pick me anyway. I know all the toms in RainClan, and probably some in the other Clans, would give anything to hang out with her, or get her to notice them. Her beauty hasn't been lost at them. I don't even think I would mind as much(truly, her happiness means more to me then anything else) if I knew they loved her for the right reasons. Yes, she is breath-takingly beautiful. But there's also so much more to her. Would they be her shoulder to cry on? Would they listen to her marvelous ideas and cherish them? Would they do little things for her, just to see her smile? Would they be there for her through thick and thin, protecting her from anything that might tarnish the innocence of her lovely soul? I highly doubted it. She was, at most, a prize to be won for them. Iceflame was a good cat, but he was battle-hungry and fierce. How would he make time for a gentle cat like Beechwhisker? You just stare out the window, What you waiting for? Iceflame leans in a little closer- too close for my ''comfort, but no one cares what I think- and says something that's obviously a pickup line. Beechwhisker frowns, then shakes her head and takes a step back, the expression on her face reserved and polite, at best. As relieved as I am to see she's not going for it, I can't help wondering why. Will she just watch all the toms fall over her without doing anything? Would she do that to me, if I ever tried to express the way I felt about her? As I watch Iceflame's face fall, I know that with me it would be much worse; I'm not nearly as handsome or charming. I'd be shot down for sure. ''Is it too late, or too soon? I'm right outside here, wanting you You don't see me, but you should Oh, Why you gotta make it hurt so good? Was I too late? Did she already have her eyes set on another tom? I rack my brains for every single tom in the Clan, dismissing each for various reasons. But still, what did I know about her tastes? For all I knew, she really did like Iceflame, and was just playing hard to get. Or maybe she just wasn't ready for a mate. Surely it wouldn't be bad at all to be "just friends" with a cat as amazing as Beechwhisker? My only qualm would be all the toms that would hit on her regardless. As her "friend", I couldn't really do much about that, nor could I stop her from taking another mate. Then I realize she's done talking with Iceflame, and padding back towards me. I give a genuine smile, the way I always do whenever I see her. "Hey. What were you and Iceflame talking about?" I try to keep the curiosity out of my voice. "Not much. He was just telling me a few jokes," she says, smiling back. "Ah." Even now, as she looked at me with the light of friendship in her eyes, I knew she wasn't seeing me in the way I wanted her to. I was nothing but a friend- and not a very close one at that- to her. How could I ever get out of that persona? I don't ever want to let you go We could take it fast or make it slow Whatever the case was, and however she saw me, I wasn't going to push it. I would never dream of saying no if she took an interest in me, but I was willing to wait for as long as it took, and longer. Someone like her was worth it. I'm afraid that you misunderstood Every day is just a ''"''wish I could" Oh, Why you gotta make it hurt so good, hurt so good? "Firestrike, I didn't mean what I said about flattery," she says softly. "It was really sweet of you to say that." I just stare at her for a bit, wondering how anyone could be so perfect. She was apologizing for reacting to my lame comment? "It's fine Beechwhisker," I reply. I can't bear the thought of her stressing out over my feather-brained words. "Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have- I mean..." I trail off, not sure how to put it into words. She certainly didn't get that I meant the compliment with every part of my heart. But I can't say that without making it feel like I'm in love with her or something. Not that I'm not... My heart flutters pleasantly in my ribcage as she pads alongside me, her slender frame nearly brushing mine. It drives me nearly insane to know she doesn't think I truly like her, but this is nice too; just being with her. Imagine you, imagine me Together so, how lovely Imagine me, imagine you Inside a dream, how good for two For a second, I let my imagination run away with me. I think of Beechwhisker and me together, tails linked, maybe watching ginger and tan kits scramble over each other as we sit together with our pelts brushing. The image is like a perfect dream, but just like all dreams, I know I'll have to wake up. Wake up to reality as it is. When you walk into the room I can't speak, and I can't move You don't see me, but you should Oh, Why you gotta make it hurt so good? "Firestrike." Beechwhisker says my name hesitantly, as if she's almost scared to talk to me. "Yes?" I ask, hoping she can't hear the pounding of my heart. All around us, the other RainClan cats have quickened their pace; the camp has come into view, and they're eager to get home. But the two of us stand stock-still, facing each other like we're the only two cats in the world. "I-" "Beechwhisker! Come on!" Deersoul calls. The pretty she-cat only wants to talk with her friend, but at that moment, I feel like strangling her. Though Beechwhisker probably wasn't going to tell me the thing I was dying to hear, any words she said to me were important. I don't ever want to let you go We could take it fast or make it slow I'm afraid that you misunderstood Every day is just a "wish I could" With a tiny sigh, I follow Beechwhisker down into the hollow of the RainClan camp. She gives me one last smile as she vanishes into the warrior's den. Oh well. Someday, I would get through to her. Someday... But not tonight. Oh, Why you gotta make it hurt so good, hurt so good? Oh, Why you gotta make it hurt so good? Category:Kiss